I Trashed Chess for Love

When I was a seminary student, my wife and I had our first child. I was going to school full time, working as a night watchman, and serving as a youth pastor. I still loved chess and would sit in class and play using a pencil and paper. It was interesting to see where the game would go, and to try out all sorts of attacks and defenses.

Non chess people do not understand how a person could play themselves. They would always ask, "Do you win?" My response after a time was "No. I always lose!" And I was telling the truth. I would discover that at some point I had made an error. My games still have all kinds of errors in them.

On Thursday nights I would go down to the local library where they had a chess club. I loved it there. I was with people who knew how to talk chess and play chess. They understood my passion for the game. I was not the best or the worst. It was a good night out for me.

One night a young man came in and claimed that he was going to be the next chess world champion. My guess was that he had never yet played anyone who had studied the game. I was the open board and so it was my lot to provide him with an education. Fortunately I was successful. I wonder where he is now.

My wife was having a tough time of all this. Her life was very stressful. Perhaps she had post partum depression. Perhaps she thought I was avoiding her with all my work and study. And when I had a free night I played chess instead of going out on a date with her. We were so poor I think it would have been hard to pay a sitter. And because of how parents are with first children, we would barely have trusted anyone with her. She was at her breaking point.

One night she gave me an ultimatum. "Me or Chess!" I took the books I had accumulated through the years, and my sets, and threw them in the trash. I never saw them again. I never went back to the club either. I still miss the childhood set I threw away and a tactics problem book that fit in my pocket. In hindsight I could have given the stuff to someone. But we were in tense immediate negotiations.

We divorced after eighteen years. I wish her well and harbor no ill will towards her. As our marriage and family progressed we had many wonderful times, and some very difficult times. Chess slowly crept back in to my life. Books slowly re-accumulated. She learned that chess is part of who I am. I figure some men fish and hunt, some watch or play sports. I play chess.

Chess is War. -Bobby Fischer
War is Hell.- General Sherman
My Chess has gone to hell. -I. M. Patzer